reminiscence of my feelings towards a girl that i like the most

she rejected me last year after i liked her secretly for 4 years.....and it really hurts.....according to her point of view....she says that after she rejected me.....she felt that i hate her.....i dislikes her........that statement is only partially true. the truth is my heart had been torn apart at that moment and until now, i still don't have the courage to face her.....我过不了我自己那一关，and the most ridiculous thing is....i still have feelings towards her......how stupid and pathetic i am...haha......i should have know that she doesn't have the feelings towards me since the day i started to like her...and yet i am doing whatever i can to help her...just to let her know that she is not alone and i really cares about her and i really like her.....reason why i like her??well if u ask me that question i really can't give a proper answer......but one thing i wanna say is......she is the one that keeps telling me to pass up my homework when i we were in form 1.....that time i was just a lazy bug....because of her.....i was able to have the resolve to turn over a new leaf......it is also about that time when i realized that i like her.....haiz.....talking this don't know for what........what's done is done.....sincerely hope that she stays happy and wishing her all the best in her future undertakings......good luck......(i will stop here, till the next sketch)